


Secret

by im_the_king_of_the_ocean



Series: Pride Month Ficlets 2K18 [16]
Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 19:51:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15444564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/im_the_king_of_the_ocean
Summary: Nomura’s experiences with being a trans woman while in the Janus Order and beyond.





	Secret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AbsolXGuardian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsolXGuardian/gifts).



It was the closest, most well-guarded secret Nomura kept.None of the others in the Order ever came close to learning of it.She made sure of that.She was always careful.Cautious.For all Nomura knew, there were no others, changelings or trolls, like her.So, she couldn’t let them find out.Best not to ever let them think they’d found a potential weakness of hers to exploit.

If there was one perk to being a shapeshifter though, it was having a significant amount of control over what the form one transformed into appeared to be.Nomura too had had a little more power than most.She’d known of her womanhood since she was rather young, before she’d been assigned a familiar.It had taken some manipulating, and a bit of blade work to make sure the soldier charged with assigning familiars never talked, but when she’d finally been assigned a human child, that child was a _girl._

There were times when Nomura honestly liked being in human form better than her troll form because of that.It felt more comfortable.She wasn’t constantly reminded that in addition to screwing her over by forcing her into the position of changeling, the forces of fate had also decided to shove her into a body she didn’t belong in.And she could purchase feminine things and express herself as she liked without anyone questioning her too.Humans (and trolls), well, they did have their hatreds and their bigotries toward her, but at least they never mentioned her gender.

Her fellow changelings were a bit different.Stricklander knew first.He was clever enough to figure it out and had enough authority over her that he could interrogate her about it without fear of her retaliation when the next opportunity arose.But he didn’t understand.Not really.And because he didn’t, he thought couldn’t control that part of her.That made Nomura a wild card in his eyes.A wild card that could ruin his plans.He never hid that he didn’t like her nor that he would hesitate in getting rid of her if given the chance.

Otto Scaarbach was the closest thing Nomura eventually had to a friend in the Janus Order.They’d been brought together by a mutual dislike of Stricklander and then found a private, unspoken alliance served both their interests well.He was the first one Nomura ever told that she was a trans woman.She only did so because he’d revealed to her his status as a trans man.

* * *

“Were you followed?”Otto wrung his hands together, a bad habit of his and a tell that he was worried.

Nomura snorted.“You doubt me?”

“Nein, nein.”Otto sat down on one of the ancient, moldy chairs they kept in this shadowy, hidden room in the sewers.“But we must be careful.If Stricklander or,” he shuddered, “Bular finds out about these rendezvouses…”

“Let’s make this quick then.”Nomura huffed.“Did you bring yours?”She took out a small pouch from her belt.

Full trolls could transition by molding their living stone to their will.Due to their status as half-trolls, changelings couldn’t alter themselves in exactly the same way.However, with the help of a little potion Nomura and Otto had created, they could still transition.Slowly, with incremental doses, their troll forms would become what they wanted.But for the potion to fully work, they needed hormone samples from their desired gender.That they gave each other, hence the incognito meetings.

Their trade-off was a success.Each went their own way.They would not speak of these things again until next they met.

All good things must come to an end was a truth Nomura knew all too well.For all the orchestra’s music could swell, it would eventually fade back into silence again.

At the fall of the Janus Order, Otto went into hiding indefinitely.He would be seen as traitorous for fleeing Gunmar’s attack instead of fighting back by the few rogue Order agents left and both Stricklander and Dictatious were on the Trollhunter’s side now.Nomura may have gained an uneasy peace with them, but Otto had not.He considered it best not to put himself in a situation where he would have to work with them regularly.So he left.

Nomura doubted she’d ever see him again.

She never stated out loud that she’d miss him, but sometimes she’d think it.

* * *

Nomura wandered through Arcadia, enjoying the feeling of the rain pattering against her and the absence of any other people.Things were more difficult now that her familiar had been taken from the Darklands by the Trollhunter and her human form ripped away.Nomura accepted the reality of her situation, but at the same time, she detested it.

Rainy days, though, took her mind off things.Made her happy.The raindrops on the pavement almost had its own music.It was easy to escape the world in the rain.

Except for that day.

It was chance that Nomura stumbled across the altercation.Upon first seeing it, she decided she’d turn around and quietly leave.This had nothing to do with her.But then, she recognized one of the people.If it got out that the Trollhunter’s mother was in trouble, she knew of it, and _didn’t_ help, it probably wouldn’t end well for Nomura.

So, Nomura intervened and sent the man who’d been harassing Barbara packing.The humans of Arcadia may now know of the existence of trolls, but that didn’t mean they lacked fear of them.

Eventually, after a couple hours and numerous cups of tea, Barbara told Nomura what had happened.The man worked at her hospital, been there when she picked up her hormone prescription from the hospital’s pharmacy, and noticed what the prescription was.Would have outed her if she hadn’t gotten away fast.Then, he’d harassed her about it until Nomura got rid of him.Barbara would go to hospital security tomorrow.

Barbara folded her hands around her cup of considerably cooled tea.“Please.You can’t tell anyone about this.About me being trans.I can _pass_.But.”She took a breath.“If word gets back to my ex-wife where we are…since Jim’s gone now, she can’t exactly sue for custody, but that wouldn’t stop her from trying to make my life hell.”She closed her eyes.“She already did once.”

“I won’t.”Nomura answered.She debated before adding, “I’m trans too.”

The ensuing friendship was a different sort than the one Nomura had had with Otto.They didn’t have to hide in the shadows and Barbara was more frank and open about talking about things. _That_ was hard to get used to, but, after time, Nomura came to like it.It was nice.If a little unsettling.

The weirdest part came in the form of a regular card game.

* * *

Originally the game was Poker, but over time and because it was played by a human and a troll, it became something else, something not quite understandable to anyone else, entirely.

Nomura picked up the rules fairly quickly, though.  She had always been observant. 

“Clever.”Bagdwella, the third player to Nomura and Barbara, said as Nomura leaned forward to pull the pot towards her.“You have quite the poker face.”

Nomura replied.“Your just jealous that I _always_ win.”

“No, I’m jealous of your hair.What’s your secret?How did you get it that long?”

“Don’t—” Nomura saw and scrutinized Bagdwella’s expression.Maybe that wasn’t an insult?Nomura’s hair was something she took a fair amount of pride in, given how long it had taken her to grow it out to its full length.She would not tolerate it being insulted, but Nomura also knew what Bagdwella’s insults sounded like and this didn’t seem like one of her jabs.She hadn’t tried anything like that for weeks anyway.Not since Nomura first joined the game. Nomura looked to the Barbara, but she was studying Bagdwella too.

“That was a serious question, Nomura.”Bagdwella gestured to her own hair.“I’ve tried to lengthen this mess out for centuries, but nothing I do ever seems to work.”

“Maybe I’ll tell you.”Nomura smirked.“If you manage to beat me in at least one hand.”

“You say that as if it will be a challenge.”

“Yet you haven’t once bested me.”

“How about this?”Barbara interrupted.“Nomura, you give Bagdwella pointers on hair and Bagdwella, you tell Nomura what you know about trollish makeup in return.That way we actually get through this game.”

Bagdwella turned toward her.“My, my, someone’s impatient.”

“I wouldn’t be if you two could go more than a minute without teasing each other.”

“I never tease.I state the truth.”Nomura leaned back in her seat.She would certainly give Bagdwella advice upon their game’s end and she knew Bagdwella would her.As trans women, they had to look out for each other.And something of a friendship _had_ grown between them since they started playing cards.But it was still fun to mess with Bagdwella and she knew Bagdwella enjoyed returning the favor.

“Fine.”Barbara groaned.She put her cards down on the table.“And would you look at that?I win this hand.”

The night went on.It was enjoyable.


End file.
